20 Things I've Learned by Living with Old People

1. You catch a cold through your feet.
2. You need only wash the inside of bowls.
3. Everything taste better rolled in corn meal and fried.
4. Your doctor doesn't need to know all your personal stuff.
5. You should only wear short sleeves from May 1st through the end of August.
6. If your toe hurts, you are considered sick.
7. It doesn't matter who it belongs to... Do what you want.  You're old.
8. People love to hear old stories about another person's former work place.
9. Every chair should be accompanied by a waste basket lined with a plastic grocery bag.
10. If the TV is too loud to have a conversation, talk LOUDER!
11. Deny doing something while you're doing it.  Who's going to challenge you?
12. People do not have germs unless they are very sick.
13. Any bill received must be paid within twenty-four hours.
14. If there is an empty spot in the fridge or pantry, it must immediately be filled.
15. Paper napkins can be used over and over again.
16. If you own a computer, people all over the world can see you naked.
17. Your checkbook should not show how much money you have in the bank.
18. If they say it on TV, it must be true.
19. You should not drive while it's cold.
20. Never, and I mean NEVER, go outside with open pores.